26 and Grumpy

    I know that it seems like a weird title and I had a wonderful Birthday a week and 1/2 ago, but for the past 3 weeks I have been quite irritable and distracted. I felt bad because I knew I was acting this way, but I couldn't get out of this funk and Jake kept wondering why I was in such a bad mood. My mood was my fault, because for one I am an emotional and sensitive person and get too invested in certain situations and secondly I am horrible with change and I didn't try and to get out of my grumpiness. I grew up very sheltered and naive to what other people go through. I grew up in basically the same house in a great area, had great friends and life was really easy. I figured everyone around me lived and thought the same way my family did and everyone seemed to be happy. That is one of the problems with social media, you have no idea what some people's lives are really like and what struggles they may be facing because for the most part all you see is this picturesque life  that you may even envy. I feel like as I have gotten older I have become more aware and I think in general as you grow up we are just faced with more challenges, difficult decisions etc..

  My family has had some difficulties as of late and I have felt like I have just kept praying and praying with no help and no direction. I also know that life hardly ever goes as planned, but the plan of how I thought the next couple years would go for Jake and I  just completely changed and it has been a little hard for me to deal with. I don't know why it is so hard for me to change when I am set on a plan, but I need to start getting used to it. There was at one point I started to feel bitter, which I don't like to admit, and thought life just sucks sometimes. I know this sounds crazy, but I thought I wish I could make a deal with heavenly father, just give me a big illness and then that should cover everyone I love and they are automatically safe from being hurt. Then the thought came to me just wait, you just turned 26, you have no kids and have a full life ahead of you with many trials and struggles to come. 

I have been reading Elizabeth Smart's book and when she went into detail about her first day with Brian David Mitchell I just started to cry and thought the same thing, she was an innocent little girl that didn't deserve any of that, what was she possibly supposed to learn from such a horrific thing. She said that when she always thought it couldn't get any worse it always did. That hit me hard because even when life does suck, I seem to focus only on the bad things even when there is good all around and it always could be worse. I need to be more aware of the good because I have been blessed with so much and when bad things happen, I need to remember it could always be worse and for many people it is.

So here is my good. My birthday fell on my day off of work, which was probably the best gift. 

Went to the Draper Temple with my parents, which I really needed.

My mom took me to get these running shoes I had been wanting, but couldn't afford. Hoka shoes kind of look like clown shoes and have really thick soles, but I have heard good things and hopefully they make my knee feel better.

Pedicures are always a treat especially for my moms bad leg. 

Jake had to work late with his accounting internship, but sent me lots of pineapple!

When he came home he took me for sushi at a place downtown called Sapa. This roll came out on fire and they had really reasonable prices, I think this will be one of our new favorites.

More sushi with my wonderful in laws.

The day after my coworkers treated me with flowers, movie tickets, a beautiful cake and a very generous gift card to DSW.

 

 Sometimes life is the absolute pits, but as Albus Dumbledore put it, "Happiness can be found in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light".